The Inner Critic: How to Silence Negative Self-Talk

We all have that little voice in our head—a running commentary on our choices, achievements, and, all too often, our perceived shortcomings.

This is known as the inner critic, this voice can sometimes take the shape of harsh, negative self-talk that undermines our confidence and saps our motivation. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I’ll never be good enough” or “Why did I even bother?”, you’re not alone.

In Transactional Analysis terms, we would call this a Critical Parent introject. Which is a message we received as a child on how to be or not be. Whilst these messages are not always explicitly given, children are given messages of “Don’t be/do/ [enter adjective]” as a child we take these messages, and they continue to play into adulthood.

While the inner critic can stem from a natural desire to improve or protect ourselves from failure, unchecked, it can turn into an unkind and relentless narrative. The good news is that it’s possible to soften this voice, reclaim self-compassion, and cultivate a more supportive inner dialogue. Let’s explore how.

The inner critic, or Critical Parent, is not fundamentally malicious – It can be protective do “Don’t run into the road!” for example is a Critical Parent message. It helps avoid mistakes or can motivate success. However, unchecked and over time, this message becomes distorted and focuses excessively on perceived flaws and failures.

Continual unchecked critical thinking can lead to feelings such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. “Studies show that self-critical tendencies and lack of systematic and positive critical thinking can significantly predict symptoms of depression and anxiety. These maladaptive cognitive patterns reduce resilience against stress and negatively impact overall mental health.” (Huamán-Tapia et al., 2023) This would hold you back from taking risks, forming relationships or following your dreams.

One way to start combating this critical voice is by taking note of it. Awareness is key in being able to silence the critical voice we all hold.

What are the triggers for this voice?

What are the patterns that can help you understand it?

How can you respond to the voice?

Responding to the voice usually comes from the calm and nurturing self. I liken this to how you would speak to a child who is upset that they have been told off. In Transactional Analysis, this would be our Nurturing Parent.

The next step would be to challenge the critical voice and to reframe the narrative or flip the script. For example: “I failed again; I’m useless”, reframe it to, “I made a mistake, but I’m learning and growing.”

Finally, find a therapist that can help you re-write these beliefs you have about yourself. Therapy is helpful in bringing the critical voice into a quieter and silenced space where you can explore the origins of the voice, develop a more personalised strategy to manage it.

Reference:

Huamán-Tapia, E. et al. (2023) ‘Critical thinking, generalized anxiety in satisfaction with studies: The mediating role of academic self-efficacy in medical students’, Behavioral Sciences, 13(8), p. 665. doi:10.3390/bs13080665.